When I was eleven, I watched a hypnotist on television who instructed the
audience to empty their minds of thought. But when I tried to stop
thinking, I found it impossible. The harder I tried, the worse it became.
For years, I thought my mind was broken. Somehow the switch that shut
off inner talk was missing, like the last nut and bolt that holds together
the barbecue grill. For a long time I was convinced the constant inner
chatter of the mind was my little secret, my problem alone.
Fast forward to Adultville, where I thought everything would be perfect all the time. If you are reading
this, you may also be a searcher for an alternative strategy for living; maybe that alternative was or can
be initiated by a meaningful circumstance similar to those I'm relating here. My babbling mind was It for
me, a theater of war between many speakers, each offering opinions, judgments, unfulfilled
expectations, worry, fear and criticism. And it all centered around someone called ME. Who was that
"Me" born out of the running commentary in my mind?. Who was the "Me" aware of the incessant flow
of thoughts, moods, emotions and the ever-present fear something was missing? Who was the voice
telling me I wasn't good enough, the persistent inner critic that made living such an unexpected
problem? I wondered, if THIS IS IT.... What is IT all about?
In my search for answers, I found myself frequenting the
Aquarian Age bookstore, which offered volumes on
something called meditation. I discovered I wasn't alone. All
of us talk to ourselves, some more than others. Some of us
are fortunate: our I AM is friendly and says we're O.K. But
many of us hear the painful and all too frequent message, "I
am not good enough."
The good news from many meditation teachers is peace of
mind and ease of well-being form our natural state. They
aren't goals to be achieved, but a constant truth waiting to be
recognized The quiet mind emerges once the bubbling
cauldron of inner conversation is allowed to cool, settle and
be stilled . Some of the many teachers who explored this
territory and left a map for me to follow with their writings
and audio tapes include Phillip Kaplear's Three Pillars of
Zen, Ken Keyes, Jr.'s Handbook of Happiness, as well as
the works of Thomas Merton, Ram Dass and Stephen
Levine. Fritjof Capra's Tao of Physics especially affirmed
connections between Eastern philosophies and quantum
physics for me. I was relieved to discover that although this
technology was offered by a variety of spiritual disciplines
from Alchemy to Zen, the message was always the same:
Meditate--Meditate -- Meditate! "Calm your restless mind and
claim victory over your destiny," was the Hindu phrase I used for motivation and empowerment as I
embarked on my inner journey to the quiet mind.
I began my practice with these teachers as my guides and companions. The simple instructions were:
Focus on your breath. Not the thought of breath, but the sensation of breath in your nostrils. When a
passing thought distracts you, become aware of it and gently, mindfully return to the breath. Have no
expectations. Do not evaluate. Just sit and watch the passing show. Your attention will wander as
thoughts bubble up, linger and pass away with their own momentum. Do not be caught in the content.
Just let them go and return to the breath. Most of us will find this mind spin incredibly frustrating. It
may feel like you're not making any progress.
In my practice, my mind eventually grew less noisy. I began to notice gaps of silence that felt natural
and peaceful. Slowly, these gaps expanded and so did the possibilities in my life. Before, I'd felt
unhappy much of the time, even though I'd done everything I was supposed to do to be an adult and
make my life perfect. Through my meditation practice, I saw I could just as easily be happy. I realized
my mind had been creating my life, hypnotically running off its past experiences. I had reacted to
situations like a robot, in my old, familiar way--even though the old ways had never met my inner
capacity for bliss, for joy...for FUN!
Now, just as I observed my breath in meditation and released old thinking patterns, I was able to
observe what was actually present in my life. The cosmic joke was THIS IS IT! Life is not a dress
rehearsal. I experienced my pain, not because the universe wasn't rich enough to satisfy my needs, but
because my representation of the world was so impoverished. I needed to nurture the child inside who
wanted to play, who knew each moment is valuable and full of possibility, not a problem to be solved,
but a mystery to be lived.
Meditation is the act of making friends with YOU, of being kind to yourself. This practice of awakening
comes from the willingness to touch all of your Self with all your heart and meet the Self just as it is
.With this insight, I began to watch my life in a spacious, compassionate, fearless way. Peace,
happiness and unconditional love emerged as naturally as my breath.
If I had to experience all the pain in order to rediscover this gift, it was worth the suffering. The prize
includes a glimpse of my true nature and the inspiration to share my discovery with kindred souls.
Sitting quietly. Doing nothing. What a surprise! I had it all the time and carried it with me every moment
. We need nothing but this spacious, quiet mind that contains nothing--and holds everything.
"You need not do anything.
Remain sitting at your table and listen.
You need not even listen.
Just wait.
Just be quiet and still and the world will offer itself to you to be unmasked.
It has no choice.
It will roll in ecstasy at your feet."
-Franz Kafka
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